We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just crazy horny about you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
