this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
