I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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