Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
