My friends, they love my intelligence
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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