woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
