Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it was like eating out sand paper
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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