Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
