this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone came in the potted fern
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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