I wish I could teleport
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
