Can Purell be used as lube?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
