about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
