So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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