i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
