if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
