Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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