its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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