If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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