when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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