well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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