is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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