I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
