Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
