So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
