drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
