I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize