So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
