I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
