I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
