i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
