Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
