Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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