Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
