Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
