Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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