I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
