sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
