Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
