Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
