This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
