Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
