i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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