He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
