I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
