There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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