sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
