I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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