I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
