Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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