Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize