i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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