If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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