I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
