I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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