I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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