I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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