around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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