i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
