My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
