Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize