Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
