Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
