he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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