is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
