I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
