she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
