Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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