i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
