i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I just put wine in my tea
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
